Howdy, howdy to you all. Let's get this boxcar moving. For starters you should know I'm a squirrel. Not an ordinary run-of-the track squirrel but a special squirrel. On the scientific side of things I'm called a grey squirrel and on the taxonomy scale squirrels are frequently referred to as a rodent and although we have a reputation as being among the "cleanest" of the rodent clan, I detest and resist any affiliation to that bunch of scoundrels called rodent. But I'm getting ahead of myself..a tendency we squirrels possess.
My authorship follows that of the single greatest pooch to ever live. I know because I watched that Boston Terrier for a good long time. Her name was Enya and as many of you know, was the master of Annie and the herd boss of clark. She passed along not long ago after many years of bringing joy and happiness into the lives of those less fortunate, this would be most of you doing the reading. As some of you also know, Enya was a splendid writer and most significantly the author of "Enya Says." I have read all of her work and enjoyed it immensely.
Her pennings brought laughter and great mirth to many squirrel nests across this mountain valley. She is sorely missed but as the poet Robert Frost wrote: life goes on.
This brings me to my current dilemma and state of mind. It is such: Annie and clark had their train jump the track when Enya passed. I know because it played out in front of me. Holy crap kids, it was a catsasstrophe. Seldom in my time have I witnessed such moping, aimless wandering, hang down and general helplessness as these two displayed. Furthermore, it was every day. I kept wondering when is this malaise going to dissipate? As a group we squirrels are not inclined to wait for things to happen. As a clan we MAKE things happen. I've been told some humans are not fond of this personality trait in squirrels. How many times have you heard the story about a squirrel eating through the wiring in a car or house attic? This is utter squirrelshit. If it weren't for we squirrels running our nocturnal patrols, the chipmunks would have a candidate running for the US Senate. That should put you restless hearts to rest.
Now where was I? Oh yes, the Annie/clark malaise. Cutting to the chase, I decided to take action. It went something like this: one day clark was outside throwing a peanut at my friends the stellar jays. Like us, they favor the peanut. I watched and waited until their gullet was full and flew off leaving a few peanuts on the ground whereupon I lept to action. I darted down from my favorite tree and snagged a peanut. clark saw me and threw a few more peanuts to the ground whereupon I bravely secured each one and deposited them one by one in my various nests. Apparently this humored clark and he continued to toss peanuts and as he did he began to whistle. I don't remember the tune but it was simple, probably the only one he could generate. As he whistled and tossed another peanut, I returned and performed my task.
Here's the funny thing. I surmised that clark thought I was retrieving peanuts because of his whistling. Here's the thing sports fans: humans are simple, silly creatures. Can you imagine my chagrin when I realized what clark thought he was up to. I'm certain when he ran out of peanuts clark went into the house and told Annie how he was training a squirrel. How could he know that I've read the literature on Pavlov's studies with the German Shepards?
So you muse, what does this have to do with the malaise? Well, just about everything because my peanut fetching was the cause of Annie and clark thinking and doing something besides feeling sad. Certainly I understand that I'm a stand-in for Enya right now but I'm OK with that and what thoughtful squirrel wouldn't feel the same.
Tomorrow is a new day and I'm sure there will be more peanuts and more whistling. l'm prepared to carry Enya's mantra of spreading joy and happiness to the lives of those less
fortunate. By the way, my name is Sparky.
Stay tuned, do good and get your peanuts where you can.