Feb 18, 2013

To my brothers

An ode to my brothers
With love I think of you this weekend. I have flickering thoughts of play, sun lit days, running through pastures, riding our bikes ... all with smiles as wide as the prairie we lived upon. Sunburned skin, hair flying, shorts and bare feet...
Good memories of fun and laughter. Animals of all kinds nuzzling up to us as we lifted their furry bodies to our faces breathing in their scent. Sleeping outside under the moon sometimes in a tent and at other times under the stars just as we were. 
The wonderful Big Sandy creek that stored so many treasures to sift through. Turtles, crawdads, and lots of fish. Cooling our bodies in the summer heat. Searching the coulees and sand bars, searching the old shacks, always looking for unknown treasures. Were there ghosts? Were there spirits to jump out at us? Usually just mice.... with screams of delight. And the old machinery to tumble in to push each other in, until we heard our mom let out a holler... time to get home. Moments of sledding with hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls waiting.. Brand new puppies and kittens being born on beds, in boxes, and all around us... just breathing them in.
I'm grateful on this weekend. The weekend of our father's birthday. It always hits me strong.. and I remember the quiet man. I'm grateful for him, for our mom
for you two. I love you
both so much. 
Life would have been boring without you. 

Feb 17, 2013

Lyrics versus Literal

So here's a ponderous question. We are all of different minds and different ways of thinking. This is a given. But often times with reading I find myself looking for books, articles and writings of any kind that is more lyrical and heart based. How does it apply to me, how does it fill my core, and how does it grab me as I read the first paragraph. Now I know I need to give all readings a chance, challenge my brain and step outside the box. 
One of the most interesting thoughts that has entered my mind as I get older (wiser?that is to be discussed later :) is how something will leap right off of the shelf and scream your very name as you walk by. Read me, Pick me up, Lift me into your hands... NOW!!! There are good reasons that this happens. I have learned to listen to these good reasons, for they make a difference when I do eventually read that book or other writing. 
Just the other day Trace and I were discussing Charles Darwin (out of the blue). Now this isn't a name that pops up in our conversations often (though we do have quite the interesting conversations on many things). The next day something popped up on line about Darwin's birthday the day before...now why was he in our thought patterns? I know most people would not even give this a second glance but damn I always wonder about the connections and energy that pass between thoughts and people. It certainly is fascinating. 
How about when we are thinking of someone and wham we hear from them?
It is very lyrical to say the least. 
I'm just not very literal. This does cause some complications when speaking or interacting with others. I tend to daydream, I tend to be thinking of the next painting or writing as I listen to some one's beautiful voice speak. Do I hear them, yes, but it is often times as though they are waking me from a dream as they speak. I have trained myself through teaching to listen more often. Now I think, just get quiet, tune in. My children must have thought... wowza mom... are you there? 
There voices do resonate with me and (believe it or not) I can recall most of their words for they are important. 
We on the whole are people of different skills and levels of listening power, of staying in the moment power. This might (perhaps) come down to the lyrical moments as compared to the literal moments. My mind loves the lyrics... the musical notes of words that enter...beautiful sentiments that pass through. 
Take this sentiment "We are witness to this opening in time,vertical and horizontal at once."... takes one's breath away.
I can visualize it immediately.
Terry Tempest Williams writes of the desert in this sentence...powerful.
Just ramblings from a Havre girl. 

Feb 15, 2013

To all earth's creatures God has given the broad earth, the springs, the rivers and the forests, giving the air to the birds, and the waters to those who live in water, giving abundantly to all the basic needs of life, not as a private possession, not restricted by law, not divided by boundaries, but as common to all, amply and in rich measure.
Gregory of Nazianzus
The sun is rising around me as I type. The clouds are billowing toward the sun in earnest hoping to touch the golden glow as it rises from behind the blue gray mountains turning the earth, purple, crimson, peach and soft yellow. God has certainly blessed us with these fine gifts and Mother Nature makes certain that these gifts are at their finest even when we humans take advantage or use her resources in a way that is harmful. I have often times rendered myself quiet fearing quiet ridicule from western roots who did not believe as I do. And, I am of these people, I love these people and my root system. The farm land that sustained us, the animals that surrounded each and everyday with love and security, a father's quiet way of listening (even though I baffled him), two corny wonderful brothers to run and play with, and a mom who lovingly cooked up wonderful food and who played with us at a drop of a hat. Then there were friends of the land, sisters and brothers of the land called Havre who filled my life with love. 
To all of these gentle folks I owe a quiet gratitude of allowing me to be me. I know my connection to nature and to all living things came from this root system. I also knew in my heart of hearts that the land was not mine to keep and that boundaries were not needed if we were honest and loving with one another. But human nature and fear often times steps in and the need to want and to hold, to keep and to protect, to not allow change or growth pours in without us even knowing it at times. Some of this is from way back, perhaps the beginning of time. Humans have always wanted to possess and to be quite honest it seems to be a world of have and have not.  So I rally for what I can rally for. Take good care of this wonderful planet we live on, take good care of people despite race, gender, views, religions, and sexual preference. It is more important to honor the person for being a good person who gives their best to the world around them. 
I wish I had all of the answers. I at least now know I'm entitled to my view points as long as I'm not physically hurting another. I must not allow myself to think I can fix all problems or take on problems that are not mine. What I can do is say gentle prayers and meditations that sacred joy and happiness might fill the lives that are around me, that we be free of constant sorrow, and that we are allowed to find our way in a world of constant change. Change brings such great promise and hope. When I carried my children inside of me I could feel my body changing with new miracles. When the children entered my life ... Jason... Laura... my whole life changed in a blink of an eye. Everyday was filled with miracles, blessings and yes sometimes sadness for we want to protect our young from everything that is harmful. With death, divorce, movement, aging, and many other factors comes (guess what) more change. The constant is Love. I have not lost my sense of love for family, for humans, for the land....     Annie