Silence and Contemplation

November has set into our hearts, our bones, our souls..speaking of this it was all Saints Day yesterday, a day to honor our loved ones who walked upon this earth. I was told this week that my beloved Aunt, my Godmother, my second mother was not doing as well as she could be. Her heart is having problems and her husband who has taken the Rainbow Bridge is visiting her at night to prepare her for the next part of her life. I will shoot up to Havre next week to visit with her, to introduce her to Trace, to hug and hold her. She seemed OK when speaking with her a couple of days ago and then I had a thought.. how was she suppose to sound. I think that I would probably be in a chipper mood myself if I knew the next part of my journey contained many loved ones and some peaceful moments to gather my spirit in. At times this body of mine does not allow many peaceful moments. Seems as though there are so many thoughts that just sift through, sort of like flour drifting through to make cake. 

Yes I'm well aware that I'm the one who provides these thoughts and can push them aside as needed. The nice part of gaining wisdom at this point in my life is that I have some knowledge base to work from when letting go of obtrusive thoughts. There isn't so much stinking thinking anymore but more thoughts of where life is heading for me, for my loved ones, for all of concern on this planet. I'm not always the best at sitting idly and twiddling my thumbs or contemplating my navel... which seems to contain less lint today. 

I love the deeper thoughts of the world, the questions that lurk in all corners, the what ifs or how do we or maybe... perhaps? 

I want to develop that part of my mind that knows there is so much to comprehend in the silence of the moment, the dejavu that surrounds a quiet flicker, the contemplation of a word spoken with hidden meanings.

Knowing that angels float around me but also wanting to hear the flutter of their wings, the touch of their breath upon my back when they are needed, and the softness of their love when they reach out. 

A gift of silence and contemplation.

Winter setting into our bones, our minds

Dear Friend

Outside there is a drizzle, sort of like our minds which on any given day contains a drizzle of thoughts that parade through. This week was a quiet one, a queer one, one filled with some oddness. Our day and age of computers and cell phones leads to a sense of loneliness, a loss of connection to others at times. I often feel that this is why so many reach out through networks such as face book. People want some sort of connection where they feel they are being heard and perhaps touched if even through cyber space. Somewhat gone are the days when we gathered at family and friends homes to connect, share, and visit. We simply text (if you feel like it) or put some remark on face book in hopes that someone might respond. If you want to really shock then slam one out there...hmm. I totally understand this for there have been times that I try to fill a void with networks, too. 

Roasted provides a gathering spot for me and hopefully for others. A place to hang and bullshit. A place to visit, gossip (if you so feel), and share ideas. When people come drifting, sailing, ambling through it is non-stop enjoyment to pick their brains (a term from my childhood memories) and dig for gold. For each of us have gold in our heads that is meant to be panned and sifted. Our minds can only hold so many thoughts before we feel like exploding. I often feel this is why some people crack and fissure for they have no outlet in which they can vent and release their trickle of gold (or at times other elements and minerals). You will often times find people who can't stop talking and just spill forth with so many words that it's difficult to comprehend, or you will find a table of people where everyone is talking at once....waiting to be heard. 

I truly enjoy just listening to thought after thought..for there is so much gold to mine. I know that when people feel they are not listened to they often crawl deep within their body cavity and it's then difficult to excavate that beautiful mind full of gold nuggets. Our world has some difficulty dealing with people who contain pain, past memories, or darker visions but it's all a part of this wonderful world we live in and each part makes up the whole. 

We are all connected, humans, the land, all life is connected through waves of energy..

I look forward to hearing your trickle of gold, come in anytime..

from Annie

Life at Roasted, where art and coffee form a weaving of wonder

So I begin my first installment of life at Roasted where art surrounds my soul everyday... gently lifting me, enlightening me, and sometimes baffling me. This has been a journey of love through hills and valleys, through red-neck agendas and city folk views, through neighborly opinions and friendly support, and of course through the family and friends that I love strongly. I'm sure there was some bafflement as to why Annie Allen (Daniel) would put together a coffee art house in the middle of Lincoln Montana. Life in Lincoln is made up of hard working folk, low-income wages, skeptical viewpoints, and enough bars to support the mind when times are too difficult to manage ( I say this lovingly for I do love to have a drink or two myself :). Years ago I found while wondering with art students around the country side, coffee art houses provided uplifting art and a warm atmosphere. We began to look for the coffee art houses that provided plenty of artistic vision when we traveled. Houses that supported the arts, that loved people (especially students), and that filled your memory banks with an infusion of new vision for the world we live in. I've never been one that is satisfied with the same scenario every single day. I like a challenge, I like to surround myself with active thinkers (thus, art students), and I love great coffee!!! 

So as my life changed directions many years ago with a divorce and a father's death, I knew that I had to challenge myself. I had to allow change to fill me up, to light me up, to carry me to new pathways. I was surrounded by loving arms in the school where I worked. These arms carried me along and often times caught me when I crumbled. For this I am forever grateful, but alas I knew that I had to take a giant leap of faith and start anew. I was blessed with a family who supported this even though it meant changes for them also (especially my dear son & daughter). 

I began to piece together all the supplies I had to create an art studio, of which I had many! I began to search for information on art classes and creating art studios. Each step was a learning curve. Slowly I also began to collect many items that would be helpful in creating a coffee art house without even realizing it. The last item needed was a place to rent or buy and a great coffee machine. I moved to Helena thinking lets rock over here, lets start a new life, lets just make this happen. Well life had different ideas for me. Patience was needed, flow was arranging other plans for my mind, and I had to learn to rely on myself! Period! It was so damn easy to just want to fall into the arms of loved ones. It was so damn easy to get around strong personalities and let them just take over. But as much as these individuals are loved and needed it could only be me.

With reluctance and some sadness I moved back to Lincoln. Lincoln provided a home through my son and grandchildren, love and support through my family, and a couple months later a daughter who returned! Sure enough avenues opened up and the coffee art house was on here in Lincoln Montana. I was blessed with a wonderful land lady and her family, a coffee machine that I was able to work for, and great furnishings from all around Lincoln!!! What the hell, lets plow ahead and see where this road leads. You see, I feel that we must always challenge ourselves and challenge others around us to consider new ideas. Hopefully they do the same for me. So here at Roasted I try to weave together the lives of over 45 artists with my vision, I try to weave together new and fresh art lessons for the house, and I try to weave prayers and mantras through all the lives that enter Roasted. Is it working? I'm really not quite sure but life is very interesting and the energy that flows through Roasted is amazing for the most part. 

Wondrous Students

Oh those wondrous students that surround us. I love teaching and to this day hold my teaching years in high regard. Yes, I'm still certified and leap at the chance to teach when at all possible. Yes

I might even fall back on teaching in years to come, for now teaching at Roasted soothes this need. I learned so much from these young souls who surrounded me. They taught me to keep laughing, keep dreaming,

keep believing when all around you the world of serious adult living was taking place...ugh.

They looked upon life with new eyes each and everyday.. this is something I treasure to this day. One can begin anew each day by just opening your eyes. I often times step outside and breathe in the fresh clean air, while saying thank you to mother nature for gifting me with her presents, and finishing my cup of coffee with nature surrounding me (and at times a Boston terrier on my lap for company). 

Students loved to laugh or cry: whatever was needed and felt at that moment. As adults we often suppress these feelings for fear of being told to act your age or get over it. As artists we know that something often times breaks in us when we have to grow up. Oh yeah, we're suppose to make sense now, or yeah we're suppose to not cry now, oh yeah we are suppose to work hard and gripe about life instead of embracing life.. thank goodness many of us do not subscribe to this. 

Students naturally know that art will open your soul, that art will take you places you only dream about, 

that art will sustain your soul when you're heart is hurting (or even breaking).

I love young adults, I love little people, I love playful adults who are kids at heart.

To my students... I am in love with you all. 

You sustain me, You center me, and when you stop in to see me... all I can say is thank you

You are loved.

I have loved this poem since I was a wee girl... there is a deep connection to nature. It is poetic and yet silent, comfortable and yet provocative, unsettling and yet settling, healing and yet dramatic, always a contradiction of terms...

The Owl and the Pussy-Cat

BY EDWARD LEAR

I

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea

   In a beautiful pea-green boat,

They took some honey, and plenty of money,

   Wrapped up in a five-pound note.

The Owl looked up to the stars above,

   And sang to a small guitar,

"O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,

    What a beautiful Pussy you are,

         You are,

         You are!

What a beautiful Pussy you are!"

II

Pussy said to the Owl, "You elegant fowl!

   How charmingly sweet you sing!

O let us be married! too long we have tarried:

   But what shall we do for a ring?"

They sailed away, for a year and a day,

   To the land where the Bong-Tree grows

And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood

   With a ring at the end of his nose,

             His nose,

             His nose,

   With a ring at the end of his nose.

III

"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling

   Your ring?" Said the Piggy, "I will."

So they took it away, and were married next day

   By the Turkey who lives on the hill.

They dined on mince, and slices of quince,

   Which they ate with a runcible spoon;   

And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,

   They danced by the light of the moon,

             The moon,

             The moon,

They danced by the light of the moon.

Source: The Random House Book of Poetry for Children (1983)

Hard knocks and Deep Water

We learn so much from those hard knocks and floundering in deep water, but ask me if at the moment I'm in the midst of these two am I OK......I think not... I cry, scream inside, and whoa the self-pity and denial that was so familiar in younger years doth appear. But the beauty of getting older is that there is a quicker recognition of these familiar scenarios. Inside my heart says flow... there are reasons for these bewildering circumstances. For one does wonder why am I located in a place where sometimes just listening to the words of other people feel as though nails are streaking across the chalkboard of my mind.... 

I miss meandering with familiar souls who see the world through eyes of wonder, who sense that the world is filled with magic and souls who lived long ago on this earth, who know that animals sense everything that we say and do, who see signs and symbols that are dropped in our pathways in order that we might see more clearly..

Life is a mysterious combination of circumstances and souls that are finding their way. Just think of the magical sense of space and time that surrounds us at all times. 

Taking a chance, well I like the sound of that. In fact lets step out on a big fat limb and see where life might take us.. let's read the tea leaves between the lines and let our pshyic powers overtake us just as we use to in the middle of the night when we were children exploring the dark crevices of the universe. 

Let's sleep outside with the bugs, and the critters letting them spin their mystery around us while the stars shine down upon our sweet noggins. 

The Flow of Change

I flow along, winding, weaving, bobbing, and temporarily sinking... knowing that the flow of change is guiding     me and my loved ones into a place of harmony, of change, where love blooms and colors the landscapes around us. Knowing full well that our lives are evolving and filling with new love and hopes. People enter our life in this magical flow. Some stay moving along with us, while others speed up and some slow down for they have ventures of their own. I use to fear losing people, losing my identity as I knew it, losing my position in so many stances....now life carries on, I bob along in this flow knowing that I am so much better due to change, knowing full well that my children are so much better for change and growth... 
I sigh and fully relish in my sighs these days...
it's called breathing into life, .... I breathe for my loved ones, for all that we have been blessed with...
And now a new partnership of love, of hope, of commitment to one another....
Life carries on and I sigh with relief ....
Knowing that love will always sustain us
To my daughter and her wonderful man.... keep flowing... keep changing...for life will carry you on in a magical way...
To my son and his magical children... keep flowing, keep changing... soak up this life of dreams and changes, for we are so lucky 


I love you all so much
mama