Bluff on the mind

Well here we are in this beautiful, magical country again. It is primitive and quietly reverent with spiritual qualities. We explored for 5 1/2 hours today.... exhausted and happy!! Poochie was one sore puppy. She loved the river beds and exploring for rocks! Then when we ventured out into the sage and thistles her poor pads were going ouch, ouch. But what a tough dog. Proud of her and us. We were so frigging hungry when we got in. We left with one egg and toast, had a bar and apple on the trail. Thank God a cold brew was waiting for us along with some awesome chicken fajitas!!!

The agates were thick in the river bed. Beautiful and bold filled with clarity of greens and oranges. The lizards scampered around us darting through  our pathway as if to say catch me if you can.
The wonderful alcoves were filled with birds of every kind chattering and flickering through. The wonderful thing about this country is that it takes a hardy tourist to come here and hike. Primitive conditions and not many facilities keep most at bay. Unlike Moab where hikes are small and you can tear around in jeeps to see most everything, here it takes an effort and nature holds many secrets around you.
The San Juan runs through camp with tall ridges jutting up across it's very banks. What a blessing! And at night the hot tub waits under the stars with lights twinkling around the stone pathway.
Peaceful

Quest

The hawk was dead, he lay before me a mass of feathers and curled talons. There in the silence of the forest, on the forest floor with the canopy of ancient large trees ... laid the spirit that would set my spirit reeling.. the metamorphosis had begun. I had sensed it in every bone, every muscle of my body. I sit writing ...staring at the reflection of the moon in the upper window, at the reflection of myself dimly lit in the south window... the quiet tired girl who is so eager for life to unfold. I have been on a quest since I can remember. I have questioned all that surrounds me since I was small. Now, at long last, I'm aware that these are good things. These two words contain good matter, good molecules, good vibes: quest and question.
Today held many joining puzzle shapes which emerged and centered for me as I grew quiet. It seems that solitude is the answer as of late.. quiet... all one..alone.
I was painting a great cat, a black panther who contained spots. As I painted I knew I needed to walk in the woods. There as we walked in the woods were large cat tracks.... leading the way. The river called our names, just as it always does. Rocks and ripples awaited, sounds and smells surrounded.. the sunshine filtered in lifting our spirits, settling our nerves just as the silt settles in to the water currents. All was right in the world.
As I read Meinrad's words tonight, I realized that there were three pictures (paintings) that held secrets from today...Death..which represented a release, an opening, a fount.....Wind which represented freedom and flight with wings given and presented by the death of the hawk....and finally Night which was given by the crow family and settled into our bones just as now knowing that night surrounds me in a thick dark layer, engulfing me and settling my spirit. Night will be my friend. It will hold secrets and share them wisely once I learn to settle in... acceptance of the night air is needed. The moon and my reflection are of utmost importance... all one... alone...settling in to the fount.

Sometimes I need to breathe..and leave it all behind, that is when the magic happens. That is where the images can emerge.

To my brothers

An ode to my brothers

With love I think of you this weekend. I have flickering thoughts of play, sun lit days, running through pastures, riding our bikes ... all with smiles as wide as the prairie we lived upon. Sunburned skin, hair flying, shorts and bare feet...

Good memories of fun and laughter. Animals of all kinds nuzzling up to us as we lifted their furry bodies to our faces breathing in their scent. Sleeping outside under the moon sometimes in a tent and at other times under the stars just as we were. 

The wonderful Big Sandy creek that stored so many treasures to sift through. Turtles, crawdads, and lots of fish. Cooling our bodies in the summer heat. Searching the coulees and sand bars, searching the old shacks, always looking for unknown treasures. Were there ghosts? Were there spirits to jump out at us? Usually just mice.... with screams of delight. And the old machinery to tumble in to push each other in, until we heard our mom let out a holler... time to get home. Moments of sledding with hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls waiting.. Brand new puppies and kittens being born on beds, in boxes, and all around us... just breathing them in.

I'm grateful on this weekend. The weekend of our father's birthday. It always hits me strong.. and I remember the quiet man. I'm grateful for him, for our mom

for you two. I love you

both so much. 

Life would have been boring without you. 

Annie

Lyrics versus Literal

So here's a ponderous question. We are all of different minds and different ways of thinking. This is a given. But often times with reading I find myself looking for books, articles and writings of any kind that is more lyrical and heart based. How does it apply to me, how does it fill my core, and how does it grab me as I read the first paragraph. Now I know I need to give all readings a chance, challenge my brain and step outside the box. 

One of the most interesting thoughts that has entered my mind as I get older (wiser?that is to be discussed later :) is how something will leap right off of the shelf and scream your very name as you walk by. Read me, Pick me up, Lift me into your hands... NOW!!! There are good reasons that this happens. I have learned to listen to these good reasons, for they make a difference when I do eventually read that book or other writing. 

Just the other day Trace and I were discussing Charles Darwin (out of the blue). Now this isn't a name that pops up in our conversations often (though we do have quite the interesting conversations on many things). The next day something popped up on line about Darwin's birthday the day before...now why was he in our thought patterns? I know most people would not even give this a second glance but damn I always wonder about the connections and energy that pass between thoughts and people. It certainly is fascinating. 

How about when we are thinking of someone and wham we hear from them?

It is very lyrical to say the least. 

I'm just not very literal. This does cause some complications when speaking or interacting with others. I tend to daydream, I tend to be thinking of the next painting or writing as I listen to some one's beautiful voice speak. Do I hear them, yes, but it is often times as though they are waking me from a dream as they speak. I have trained myself through teaching to listen more often. Now I think, just get quiet, tune in. My children must have thought... wowza mom... are you there? 

There voices do resonate with me and (believe it or not) I can recall most of their words for they are important. 

We on the whole are people of different skills and levels of listening power, of staying in the moment power. This might (perhaps) come down to the lyrical moments as compared to the literal moments. My mind loves the lyrics... the musical notes of words that enter...beautiful sentiments that pass through. 

Take this sentiment "We are witness to this opening in time,vertical and horizontal at once."... takes one's breath away.

I can visualize it immediately.

Terry Tempest Williams writes of the desert in this sentence...powerful.

Just ramblings from a Havre girl. 

To all earth's creatures God has given the broad earth, the springs, the rivers and the forests, giving the air to the birds, and the waters to those who live in water, giving abundantly to all the basic needs of life, not as a private possession, not restricted by law, not divided by boundaries, but as common to all, amply and in rich measure.

Gregory of Nazianzus

The sun is rising around me as I type. The clouds are billowing toward the sun in earnest hoping to touch the golden glow as it rises from behind the blue gray mountains turning the earth, purple, crimson, peach and soft yellow. God has certainly blessed us with these fine gifts and Mother Nature makes certain that these gifts are at their finest even when we humans take advantage or use her resources in a way that is harmful. I have often times rendered myself quiet fearing quiet ridicule from western roots who did not believe as I do. And, I am of these people, I love these people and my root system. The farm land that sustained us, the animals that surrounded each and everyday with love and security, a father's quiet way of listening (even though I baffled him), two corny wonderful brothers to run and play with, and a mom who lovingly cooked up wonderful food and who played with us at a drop of a hat. Then there were friends of the land, sisters and brothers of the land called Havre who filled my life with love. 

To all of these gentle folks I owe a quiet gratitude of allowing me to be me. I know my connection to nature and to all living things came from this root system. I also knew in my heart of hearts that the land was not mine to keep and that boundaries were not needed if we were honest and loving with one another. But human nature and fear often times steps in and the need to want and to hold, to keep and to protect, to not allow change or growth pours in without us even knowing it at times. Some of this is from way back, perhaps the beginning of time. Humans have always wanted to possess and to be quite honest it seems to be a world of have and have not.  So I rally for what I can rally for. Take good care of this wonderful planet we live on, take good care of people despite race, gender, views, religions, and sexual preference. It is more important to honor the person for being a good person who gives their best to the world around them. 

I wish I had all of the answers. I at least now know I'm entitled to my view points as long as I'm not physically hurting another. I must not allow myself to think I can fix all problems or take on problems that are not mine. What I can do is say gentle prayers and meditations that sacred joy and happiness might fill the lives that are around me, that we be free of constant sorrow, and that we are allowed to find our way in a world of constant change. Change brings such great promise and hope. When I carried my children inside of me I could feel my body changing with new miracles. When the children entered my life ... Jason... Laura... my whole life changed in a blink of an eye. Everyday was filled with miracles, blessings and yes sometimes sadness for we want to protect our young from everything that is harmful. With death, divorce, movement, aging, and many other factors comes (guess what) more change. The constant is Love. I have not lost my sense of love for family, for humans, for the land....     Annie

Unfolding in a natural manner

Old fears and past hurts haunt me. Every morning I begin with meditations and new thoughts cleansing my mind and letting go. More of this is needed as I begin again... The mind and ego play tricks on my body, on my spirit and on my memory. Alone... all alone is now viewed as a good thing and often times I find that being with negative energy (even sensing it) can send me in a spin of sadness. This too has to be let go of, for I'm not in control of others. I have a shelter, an abbey, a sanctuary inside of me.. and only I can use it to it's full capability. Lean silently on strong words and actions, lean on the love that surrounds me and let go of the rest. 

I live in a village of right wing propaganda, of old energy that demands selfish reasoning, of viewpoints as large as a pin drop. And yet, I live also with quiet energy that forms from rugged mountains and clear streams. This energy demands for me to walk upon its surface, to heave my problems aside, and to cleanse my soul through the air particles that surround me. 

I live in a village of fears, of change being scorned and of making a buck at the cost of another. And yet, I live with quiet souls who keep to themselves, who long for positive changes in the world around them and who know the value of helping another. 

I have a gentle need, a drive inside of me, to make a difference and to touch the world through art. I have a sense of the unknown and mystical power that surrounds me while I create or when I take in art that startles me with beauty and hope for human beings. I long to talk with kindred spirits who are passionate about life, about art, about love for all life on this planet. There has to be a better way, 

I am looking for the open door this year. I will look for it with confidence and gratitude. I will look for this opportunity to grow and expand. I am grateful for the chance to open a new business, to watch it grow, to see the changes it provided in some people, and to see the faces of new people as they entered the doors of Roasted. The ones who received the energy and walked away refreshed, anew and motivated. These people touched me and made a difference in my life. They came up to me curious about the building, about the art, and about me... a metropolis in the middle of the sleepy mountain town... curious.

I am ready for the unfolding to happen in a natural way. I am ready to relax into the unfolding and trust that it will guide me where I need to be. I am ready to become one with my natural self and to trust that it's ok to be me. I am ready, full of gratitude, time to let all go

create

dream

nature

normal

unfold

Silence and Contemplation

November has set into our hearts, our bones, our souls..speaking of this it was all Saints Day yesterday, a day to honor our loved ones who walked upon this earth. I was told this week that my beloved Aunt, my Godmother, my second mother was not doing as well as she could be. Her heart is having problems and her husband who has taken the Rainbow Bridge is visiting her at night to prepare her for the next part of her life. I will shoot up to Havre next week to visit with her, to introduce her to Trace, to hug and hold her. She seemed OK when speaking with her a couple of days ago and then I had a thought.. how was she suppose to sound. I think that I would probably be in a chipper mood myself if I knew the next part of my journey contained many loved ones and some peaceful moments to gather my spirit in. At times this body of mine does not allow many peaceful moments. Seems as though there are so many thoughts that just sift through, sort of like flour drifting through to make cake. 

Yes I'm well aware that I'm the one who provides these thoughts and can push them aside as needed. The nice part of gaining wisdom at this point in my life is that I have some knowledge base to work from when letting go of obtrusive thoughts. There isn't so much stinking thinking anymore but more thoughts of where life is heading for me, for my loved ones, for all of concern on this planet. I'm not always the best at sitting idly and twiddling my thumbs or contemplating my navel... which seems to contain less lint today. 

I love the deeper thoughts of the world, the questions that lurk in all corners, the what ifs or how do we or maybe... perhaps? 

I want to develop that part of my mind that knows there is so much to comprehend in the silence of the moment, the dejavu that surrounds a quiet flicker, the contemplation of a word spoken with hidden meanings.

Knowing that angels float around me but also wanting to hear the flutter of their wings, the touch of their breath upon my back when they are needed, and the softness of their love when they reach out. 

A gift of silence and contemplation.